Soup strainer, chin moss, crumb catcher - these are some of the responses you get when you type "funny words for beards" into Google.
Which sets us up nicely for a story about the 2016 National Beard and Moustache Championships in Nashville, Tennessee.
The championships featured 18 different categories for the facial features. But as contestant Jeff Carta says, you've got to have it all to be in to win.
"It's not just about the beard, it's about the whole package."
And sometimes that requires a team effort.
"Actually, my mother made made my uniform, my costume here, and then the moustache took me - the whole thing today was about four hours," Mr Carta says.
One guy had a Halloween beard, while there was another guy with some of the biggest chops we've ever seen.
But the guy judging the entire competition doesn't even have a beard. He did write a book on beards though, and he makes up for his lack of facial hair with his wealth of beard knowledge.
"This wave of facial hair really started in the early '90s, it sort of went grunge, then goatee, and everything else followed after that," judge and author Allan Peterkin says.
"Every permutation and combination that you can possibly think of is now being expressed."
Because there were so many categories, pretty much everyone was a winner on the night.